Nirvana & Naming

Just found an errant page that belongs to my unpublished novel. As I read the lines that were written five years ago, I was struck by the power of the words. The voice is that of Gabrielle writing of her soul mate, Jon, in the pages of her personal journal.  They are young adults who met as teens through an online game. Here is a small excerpt from a larger piece:

"We have shared so much

It is truly an incredible experience to be completely known

Every raw nerve, every idiosyncrasy exposed

And through this naked unveiling,  we remain close

Not frightened away by our own realities....

Sometimes we react in a series of classical conditioning scenarios

that we are unable to prevent from playing out

But no matter, we always find our way back to each other

Back to that feeling of being totally and utterly connected

To each other in body and soul

You take me to the highest heights

You make my heart soar

Over and over again

I am with you every time

Every single time

Calling out your name

Before I take that final leap off the mountain

You answer, "Gabrielle, I'm coming"

And you are right behind me; along side of me

Landing in a heap of blissful exhaustion at the bottom of that mighty mountain

Two blind people assisted by heightened other senses

Making sense of the world they have created

Living to love; loving to live........"

 Afterwards I picked up my copy of This I Believe, The Personal Philosophies Of Remarkable Men And Women edited by Jay Allison and Dan Gediman and read an entry by writer and activist Eve Ensler entitled "The Power and Mystery of Naming Things".  This quote really struck me:

"Naming things, breaking through taboos and denial is the most dangerous, terrifying, and crucial work. This has to happen in spite of political climates or coercions, in spite of careers being won or lost, in spite of the fear of being criticized, outcast, or disliked. I believe freedom begins with naming things. Humanity is preserved by it."

Not sure why both of these pieces struck me enough to place them together here in Kaleidoscope, but I'm going with the suggestion of my muse and perhaps later I will find a connection......

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011-2012

Life Is What You Make Of It

Dreamer, Believer, Passionate, Extrovert, Unconventional, Eclectic, Empathetic, Analytical, Gifted, Intelligent 

When I think about who I am deep inside, these are the words that come to mind. They are words that many people have used to describe me. I love people- I love knowing their stories and I love connecting with their souls. If I can touch just one person in my day, then I label it a success.  My greatest joy is to see someone achieve and to help them reach their goals.

I feel that I have led a highly successful life: wonderful career with Procter & Gamble, many community leadership positions, international travel,  published work including a book on social media and the launching of my own company, C3: Creating Connections Consulting, LLC. Despite all of the professional accomplishments, my greatest achievement is raising two wonderful children who are both amazingly intelligent and gifted and who will go on to change the world. 

Tomorrow marks my 24th wedding anniversary, and in today's world, that is probably a huge accomplishment as well. To me it seems like yesterday.  A friend on Facebook commented to my status update about the anniversary with a question:

"You and Glenn are both wonderful people. We've been blessed to have met you both. You are a great couple. I'm sure you have some words of wisdom in how to make it last for 24 years. Any you care to share? Or is it like hiring employees - try to pick the right one the first time?" 

I took some time to reflect on this question.  I think the biggest piece of advice would be to really know who you are marrying; in other words, spend some time deeply getting to know what their core values are and if they align with yours.  The person should truly be your best friend and communication should flow freely and often between you. I think you need to be partners and equals in the relationship sharing everything from duties to dollars, while still maintaining your own identity.  There will be tough times and changes along the way, but it is how you handle these circumstances that make all of the difference.

So 24 years have flown by and it truly feels like just yesterday that we were dancing at our wedding. And if I close my eyes and press the knob on my jewelry box, I can hear our song play and see us beautifully executing the dance steps we learned at Arthur Murray. Two Procter managers with MBAs and a dream.....

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011-2012

East of Eden, South of Despair

Have been reading your blog lately

You claim to speak from the universal voice,

but it seems to me that you are battling personal demons

in your words

All this talk of rain and burning embers and

Death

Sounds like you are dealing with loss

Loss of love

Loss of the guidance that never was

Loss of the dream

So drummer boy, keep writing

Keep waiting, but

never stop dreaming

because the truth shall set you free....

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011

Snow Globes

 

Snow globes, like life, capture moments

Caught within the windows of time

Our minds remember the reels of yesterday,

But in the absence of fresher moments

We extend our understanding to be commensurate

With the present

Unfortunately, reality plays a cruel hand

And often what we experience in the present has

No resemblance to what was held in the past.

You had so much promise

Truly a mover and a shaker off to live a larger life

Than the rest of us

Something happened along the way

That I am not privy to

Something flawed and tragic and life-changing

Because you are no longer the same person

Yes, there are shadows of your former self,

Slivers actually, that poke through this “new” persona

But they slide across your countenance in a pattern

That leaves me confused and wondering if you are in

Full command of your faculties

Do you truly know who you are?

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011

My Heart & Soul

"We could have had it all

You had my heart and soul……"

Love these heart-felt lyrics by Adele.

Makes me wonder what the story is behind her words. When I reflect upon them it makes me think back to my life, especially as I enter the second half of the journey. I have written many, many times about my belief in destiny and the idea that things/events/people happen for a reason. Yes, I believe in free will extending a hand and altering the plan that has been pre-designed, but the path has been carved out long ago.

I believe that I exist today as a sum of my experiences, my joys, my disappointments and the many loves and friendships that have touched my life. Would I ever say to the one who would have been, “We could have had it all...”  Nope. Because that path would have led to a person who is other than me today. If there is one thing that I do perhaps suffer from, it is too much self esteem. I love who I am, how I’ve lived and the choices that I have made. There is nothing that was within my control that I would have changed.   

Now about that situation that was out of my hands……

“But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat…”.

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011

Two Roads Diverged.....

You "get" me
Very few people do
Complex thought processes coupled with a
Dichotomous outlook
Result in a conundrum that few understand

Glad our friendship has endured decades 
And come full circle

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011

Sunset in Key West

And so the dance begins

You quench my thirst and I enlighten your lost possibilities

A bit of antique art glass and a pair of Steve Maddens

Purple haze of Karma reconfirms our destiny

You purely slay me with your humor

and touch my core with your concern

Not going to lose you again....

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011

Solstice Encounter

Came upon a piece of me that has been buried

That’s why it feels like a story, like a slice of someone else’s life

I know the pain is there because I can only read so much

Of the long ago journal before having to close the well-worn cover

It’s a story that is buried so deep

That it feels like I’m reading a novel or a bio of another’s life

*****************************************

Young, intense, competitive love

Forming each of us into adulthood

Soul click

Heart break-  no…..

 heart-shredding

Living a façade for the masses

Led to an end to us as you left for self-discovery

Escaping the conservative confines of our city

Searching for a progressive place that would allow you

To explore the stirrings in your own soul

A chance to answer the question that had been pulling at you

Like demons in the night

Buried pain, picking up the shattered pieces

Wondering if I could go on without you

Intelligent, Motivated, Driven,

Intensely Competitive, Sophisticated, Narcissistic-

You were my male twin and even our hearts beat in sync

Later, as with all deep heart-wrenching pain,

I went on with my life

Using yours as the yard stick

by which all future relationships were measured

Years rolled by and became decades

I found you once again within the pages of

A college photo album

Pictures curling as the adhesive aged

Hand-in-hand together at Coney’s Moonlight Gardens,

Nominated for Homecoming King & Queen

An irony like no other….

Searched for you online only to be met with resounding silence

You were nowhere to be found

And I feared that you no longer walked the earth

How unbelievable when the universe shifted recently and a

Tear in the cosmos allowed me to find you again

So many years have passed, yet it feels like yesterday

Only different…..

“What an unexpected gift and blessing from the universe….remember, after all these years, we have plenty of time! Love ya, Michelle.”    ~Todd

And yes, Todd. Time is the one thing we do have……

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2011

The Kindness of Strangers

Coincidence, Karma, Fate, Pre-determinism....

All thoughts that swirl through my coffee-fueled mind...

I believe that we have a destiny that has already been carved and within that destiny we have the ability to use free will/ choice to close our ears and eyes to the signs that are around us or to embrace them. It takes awareness and a conscious decision to slow down our lives to be aware of what is around us.

This point hit home for me with a video that was making the rounds on Facebook and has probably hit the numbers needed to brand it viral by now. Would love to share it with you, but it's not a YouTube embed, so I can't get a URL. Best I can do is give you a link to my C3 Facebook Page and have you view it there. The premise is that we tend to take people at face value without looking for the back story. Imagine what the world would be like if we extended more kindness and compassion and didn't react immediately to our first impression.

The second part of this observation is the idea that when we do extend kindness, no matter how small, no matter how random, we have the ability for that to build. People are struck by the generosity and compassion of others and the warmth that emanates inside them finds its way in some type of expression of gratitude that affects yet another person, and so on. Remember the Pay It Forward movement from several years ago? That's what I'm getting at.

I experienced several acts of kindness today, to the point where I began to wonder if there was a sign on my back that said "Show her a little love!". Weird how that happens. Here are my little miracles for the day:

1. During a surgery consult at Children's Hospital, the nurse was able to squeeze us in over the Christmas holidays so that no school would be missed for the operation

2. Stopped at a shoe repair shop to inquire whether my favorite Borns were fixable. The owner stopped what he was doing and repaired them that minute and threw in a polish and shine.

3. Popped into a local bakery to grab a muffin to eat while I waited for the shoes. Wanted to remove any traces of hospital germs off my hands, but the bakery did not have a public restroom. The clerk invited me to come behind the counter to use the bakery sink.

None of these things will change the world, but you know what. They changed my day. They made me smile.... Perhaps you will too!




Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2010

Vashkrieg: Journey to the Epicenter

"You and I were friends from outer space

Afraid to let go, the only two who understood this place

And as far as we know, we were way before our time….."

~This Ain't Goodbye by Train

You will forever be a piece of me

A sliver of warmth wedged deeply into my heart and my psyche

You taught me to love deeply and risk greatly

Believing in the truth and not the norm

Allowing me to be the ‘me’ that was hidden away

Unpeeling the layers like the leaves of the artichoke

Until my essence was exposed

So glad that we have reached that pinnacle

That defines success for each of us today

Music and literature will forever tie the pages

Of our lives together

So glad that you won’t be traveling that road alone

So raise a glass to “the only two who understood this place”

I'll see you on the other side.

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2010

Rocking My World

One day you will stumble upon this page

And you will be carried back in time

Slowly you will breathe in my words

And one by one, the cylinders of your brain will kick in

As the memories fire up the engine of yesterday

Once upon a time and long, long ago

You touched my life

You changed me in a metamorphic way

Your presence challenged me to change my view on the world

As you turned my universe upside down

We knew each other as much as any two humans can deeply decipher

Yet, a key element was missing that made our attachment

All the more remarkable

Years went by and memories faded to the dark recesses of our minds

But the words remained

Along with the power to tell the story from long ago

So take your time and choose carefully

Most of what you will find is about your life and our time together

The rest is left unwritten……

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2010

Be My Winding Wheel

You never cease to amaze me with your dichotomous ability

To wax and wane in my life

One moment you are anger and fury pointing a crooked

Finger at the past

Months of eerie silence follows

As I wonder if you are destroying the life

I worked so hard to save

Then out of the blue you emerge and ask me:

“Do you recall ‘Be My Winding Wheel’ by Ryan Adams?”

Good Lord, of course I do

How could I forget……

There is an enormous history between the three of us

Sharing his music, discussing his lyrics, reading aloud to each other

From Ryan’s book of poetry, “Infinity Blues”

And then the magic occurs as you pull out your acoustic guitar

And play the song while soulfully singing out the lyrics

I haven’t heard you sing for me in years, yet it felt like yesterday

But different

Your life is set to the path I helped charter

And it is so very cool that we still debate and philosophize about

Great literary works and gut-touching music

I know your idiosyncrasies and you know my vanity

We share history that has shaped who we are today

And for some crazy reason that tenuous web remains unbroken…

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2010 All rights Reserved