Silently you entered the void
that had been slowly building for years
You stepped back in as if you had never left
The same, yet changed, as if life's limp hand
had painted an eternity of weariness on your brow
You slip in the fact that you are recently back in town
after a weekend with your folks
My eternal need to go beyond the basic "Hi, how are you?"
and ask pointed in-depth questions leads me to an answer
that makes my heart bleed for you
You tell me your visit was brutal
"Brutal" because your father is dying
Life-long smoking has led him to a dance with cancer
A Dance that is coming to an end
Already tiny silent cells have coursed outward and upward
and he is Stage 4 upon first diagnosis
"Damn, why didn't you tell me this before?!
A deep silence lays between us like a heavy woolen blanket
Slowly you begin to speak, your words falling like
bullet thuds into the packed earth:
"I spent the first night in the hospital with my father
He was in very bad pain: the kind of pain that makes a grown man
curl up into a ball screaming and crying like a newborn....
And when the pain wasn't wracking his body, he talked:
About how much he doesn't want to die
About how much he wants to get back to his work
About how much seeing me meant to him:
"Damn, I don't know what to say...."
"Yes, damn. Welcome to the last week of my life...."
****************************************************************
I know the history of pain between them- it cuts deep
like a knife, both literally and figuratively
Those cuts brought us close initially and these new wounds
are bringing us back together for the moment
I offer prayer, knowing that as an avowed atheist
he will shrug it off outwardly,
But because he knows my beliefs, will be inwardly thankful for
the positive energy
So sad to be brought back together under such circumstances
So glad that the connection is so tight, that he can reach out for
comfort, solace, help
Life turns on a dime......................
Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2010
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