This is something that I wrote shortly after the horrible attack on the United States on 9/11/01. It is kind of rough, but I believe that it's raggedness conveys the feelings of shock and terror that I (along with the entire country) was feeling that day. Here it is completely unedited:
THE DAY THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
Urgent male voice penetrating the retreating words of sarcastic Dr. Laura
I turn up my radio volume
Has she been dethroned? Will I have to discover lively talk-show banter from another source to fill my ears as I go about the business of life?
No, the voices are talking in rapid shot-gun burst words
I reach for my television remote. The local news jockeys and the emergency broadcast system won't fail me. If anything is going on, it will be there, floating like an errant banner on the bottom of my t.v. screen.
Didn't Pete Delkus (local t.v. metorologist) warn me street by street in living technicolor just where and when the Tornado of '99 was going to hit?
I WAS PREPARED.
Doomsayers predicted the shutdown of all computer-operated systems due to the Y2K switchover.
Gallons of water were stored in my basement just in case the toilet failed to flush or
the refrigerator refused to unleash the cold water and ice we were accustomed to at the touch of a button.
I WAS PREPARED.
9:20 a.m. September 11th, 2001: a day in which
I WAS NOT PREPARED!
Tragic words and images pour forth into my home
My ears ring with the cries and screams of New Yorkers
Channel-hopping to discover more:
CNN, MSNBC, MATT DRUDGE, Internet News Sites
Information filled my brain, piercing it like tiny drops of water in a Japanese torture chamber.
No more. I can't stand to absorb any more ALONE.
I reach out to family members via my cell- the regular phone lines are jammed across the nation.
I reach out to neighbors.
I meet them walking zombie-like in the street, scanning the skies.
We hold each other; eyes filled with tears of disbelief.
I worry about my children: are they safe, should I go get them from school?
What do I tell them?
The Pentagon- my father's work place: Unreachable. No cell number in my Palm V.
Pittsburgh: my husband's meeting site. Reachable, Safe. Thank God for his cell phone.
WHAT HAPPENED?!!?? Questions fill my brain like a cacophony of birds in an Alfred Hitchcock black & white.
Who are these people so filled with hate?
How could we (I) be so blind to their darkness?
Had I become too complacent in my Christian, Tide-laundered, mini-van driving, soccer-mom world?
Abject fear of the unknown filled my life.
Absence of planes in the air above and then their re-emergence brought quick fearful looks to the heavens.
What would/could drop from the skies next?
Feelings of being swept up in a child's game of "Doggie, Doggie Where Is Your Nuclear Weapon" consume me.
Dirty Bombs, Car Bombs, Tennis Shoe Bombs.
Bomb, bombs all around.
The media sucks me in like a huge vacuum cleaner. I become a 24/7 news junkie. In the days following, I relay the latest reports to my fellow bus-stop parents each morning at 7:25 a.m.
Obsession clouds my mind, my being.
I SURVIVE on five hours of sleep a night.
I change my habits, cancel play dates; cut back on volunteer activities; hold my children closer to home
And Matt Drudge (Drudge Report) becomes my constant 1:00 a.m.companion always with the latest breaking news.......
Finally I am saved by the words of my Defence Contractor (retired military) father:
"You have to go on living, because giving up due to fear is letting the enemy inside, creating a victory for terrorism."
Slowly I return to a life of near-normalcy.
But will life ever be truly normal again????????
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