DEATH- WAITING FOR THE RISING.....

So very tired...............Just finished watching the first half of Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ which always leaves me feeling like this huge obsidian abyss is taking over my insides. So much suffering- to see Christ in the garden of Gethsemane with Satan and demonstratively taking on the sin of the world as his body shakes under its weight and sweat mixed with blood pours down his face, just leaves me feeling incredibly unworthy.

My thought was to pull up something I had written previously and post it tonight, just to keep the posting going. For some reason, probably my state of mind, this is what I pulled out of the hat known as past pieces:

My Friend Died Today

Until this past fall, I was feeling very good about my life, my accomplishments, fulfilling my dreams, etc. I really felt that if I were to die tomorrow, I would be ok with this knowledge since I had lived such a full life. Now things have changed. I don’t know where this fear is coming from. In the back of my mind I return to that strange dream I had maybe 8 years ago or so, where I stood on one of those penny weight machines that dispenses a fortune along with your weight. My fortune stated that I would die somewhere around 40 years of age. I remember feeling a great heaviness and sadness knowing that this news was inevitable; totally unavoidable.

With a fall season full of vibrant 40 year olds suddenly losing their lives (heart attacks, cancer, accidents) and children who grow more fascinating and needy in terms of moral values and ethics I feel utter terror. Cancer strikes so randomly. How do we ever truly know if we have these little renegade cells multiplying in our systems?


We have two close neighbors that have been battling cancer. Both with young children. We have had 3 teenage deaths in Anderson over the past year- two suicides and one tragic gymnastics accident. The random stuff doesn’t bother me. I will have no control over a bus running me over, it’s the silent slow killers like cancer that terrify me.

Why am I purging all of this stuff now? Simply because I received an email this afternoon from my long-time friend, Maureen that our high school classmate, Janette Kane just died after battling cancer for two and half years. She leaves behind a husband and two children. She is just 40 years old. I can see her brown eyes and smiling face in my mind’s eye. I can’t believe that she is now gone. Gone forever. She no longer exists, except within our minds and her family’s heart.

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It's almost 1:00 a.m. post Good Friday and unfortunately this vibrant, usually full of energy and excitment extrovert is now offically in a FUNK......

Copyright Michelle Beckham-Corbin 2009